TipTop Tuesday, my weekly video series, is today is written. The topic today is bitterness. It is a logical theme after last week's topic about resentment. Bitterness is a little more hidden because the cause is not so obvious. What do I mean by that? We all have hopes, dreams, and beliefs about the rules of living life. Bitterness occurs when we are wounded but we do not address the wound. Thus, the starting point of the initial wound might seem insignificant but it rocks your core belief about yourself. The healing happens when we find the first cut into our well being. When we find the memory we have to open it to the light to be cleaned and healed. We all have examples of seemingly isolating interactions about something. Often, it is a quick non-repeat situation that seems to be a surface cut and life is busy and we go on. The truth is the cut went really deep because it goes against our life's core values and beliefs. It shakes us to the core. Reading different articles about bitterness I felt that many people believed that bitterness consumed all aspects of a person daily life. I disagree with that. Rather, it is a continuum of feelings not a person consumed by bitterness or all joy. We have lots of emotions. I also wonder if our culture views depression and bitterness in the same category. They are different.
Enough said we all know that instinctively.
So my Tip this week is to find something you are bitter about and follow that cord or string to the root cause. Once there really examine your feelings. In my experience it is a childhood belief that was challenged and you felt confused, rejected and shamed. You judge and shame yourself by denying your "immature reaction". The immature is the key, it is a childhood hurt and children require lots of nurturing. So, give yourself lots of love and comfort. It is now easier to look at it from the other person's or people's point of view.
This weekly tip was given to me by one of my massage clients. It really resonated with my soul. She basically said: Letting go of bitterness is an inside job and you need to really examine your memory and also provide a safe space of nurturing and love for yourself.
Have A Dazzle of A Day!!
What happens when we feel betrayed? Betrayal is not an emotion. It is an event or a series of events. This event and feelings of betrayal encompasses a group of emotions. Here are the ones I have felt, anger, grief, fear and love. Do some betrayals feel like a path well-worn from past experiences? Are the emotions the same? Are they more or less intense?
Now it is time to hit pause. Let yourself meditate for a few minutes as to how you are feeling.
Allow yourself to flood your mind with feelings. What are your feelings?
Allow yourself to flood your mind with memories. What are your memories? If you have many, ask yourself which one do I want to focus on. It is a simple practice, and take each of them one at or time or group them together if there is a common theme.
For me the opposite of betrayal is a promise. Many cultures guide us to promise in future actions. Is a promise in the future all that realistic? Life happens, people change, circumstances alter our reality perception.
So now a person has to deal with the expectation of their idea promise, recognizing they have failed in their promise, or make excuses for their failed promise action AND deal with their present life circumstance. As we all know this takes a huge amount of energy.
Some cultural lessons teach us to believe that living in the now is the best mentally healthy way of life. If this is so why do we even consider the need to make promises?
Are promises and vows the same as a commitment? Can a person commitment to someone or something without making a verbal promise?
What does the pursuit of happiness mean? As a child I had a decidedly negative feeling about pursuing happiness. As if being happy is a bad thing. Now, my sense is that when a person is happy they can share their joy with others, the domino effect of love. How does one create happiness? First, acknowledging that being happy is a lofty goal. As valuable a life experience as prosperity, education, family and friendship. Happiness is maintained by being of service to others and using your talents and loving yourself. Happiness is what happy does! Happiness is full of wonderful self-talk to empower your life to be happy. Happiness bites the tail of happy. Happy Trails to You!
This morning, drinking my coffee and thinking. I have more questions than answers. Once again we are faced with more deaths from someone that appears to be mentally ill with lots of guns. If we do not fund mental health, early childhood education, and general education are we as Americans responsible for all these deaths? If we are not responsible who is responsible? If we are responsible what is our response?Can we all be heroes in this and solve the problem? Are we really so helpless and passive that we can not solve this problem? When did we become a nation of fear driven living?. Is this a result of growing up in the Cold War Era living with the potential of a nuclear war? Or the result of what? I agree that guns are not the problem. The problem is people, and guess what people we need to solve this problem. How many more people have to live through this gut-destroyed grief? Well,if statistics are any indication of mass shootings we will have many more in the weeks ahead. What can you do? Register to vote, become active in your community, and simply love and respect each other with kindness.
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Author of Earth Whisperer
The White Chick from Tacoma
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Anne Marie McNamara
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